Kiki Danger does not quit

Here is what my workout schedule looked like before last week.

Monday- get up at 430 am so I can do a 30-40 minute run before a 45 minute endurance strength training                    class
Tuesday- get up at 545 to do cardio and lift weights before work
Wednesday- get up at 430 for a 30 minute interval run before a 45 minute TRX class
Thursday- get up at 545 to do cardio and lift weights before work
Friday- get up at 545 to do a 30 minute run
On the weekends I try and run one day. I usually do at least 3 miles if I'm not running in a 5k. I take the other day as my rest day.

Last week, I hit a wall on Thursday. I got out of bed and was...exhausted isn't even a strong enough word for it. My muscles were sore from the TRX class the day before, but they were also just done. I did something I haven't done in over a year. I didn't even take my gym bag to work with me. As the day went on it occurred to me what the problem was. I was training way to hard and not fueling my body properly. I eat pretty low carb in my day to day life. That day I sat down and had some chips (I know not the best source of fuel) and some other carbs along with some food, I started feeling much better. Instead of taking that night off and resting completely, I went on a 2 mile walk because I felt so much better. I then resumed my normal gym schedule on Friday and then added another 2 mile walk because I had some thin crust pizza at lunch and dinner (because I had a 5k on Saturday)

What's the point of all of that you may ask? I'm considerably overweight, have been pretty much my whole life to varying degrees. About 2 years ago within a month span I put on 20 pounds. The doctor told me eat less and move more. So I did that. The weight wouldn't come off. Go see a nutritionist she said. I did that. Eat less and move more. So I did that some more. The weight wouldn't come off. You see the pattern? I was put on an appetite suppressant. That didn't work. I was put on another medication. That didn't work. I showed the doctors, the dietitians, the nurses, the fitness trainers my food log, my exercise log. Here are some of the things I was told:

You want to run a 5k? I hope your knees hold up.
So, do you have a portion control problem then?
Sometimes you need to really turn up the intensity on your exercise.
To lose weight you really need to watch what you eat.
Just keep doing what you are doing, eventually it will come off.

I have endured countless appointments where they take what I tell them I am doing for exercise and lower it on their report. If I say I workout 5 days a week for 45-60 minutes a day they put 3 days a week for 30-45 minutes a day. I have heard the pregnant pauses as they stare at me when I tell them what I eat. What I have learned from all this? It's my fault. Something I have done made me fat and something I am doing now is keeping me fat. It doesn't matter how many times I tell "them" that I really, truly feel like I am doing enough and eating correctly that weight should be falling off...but yet it is not. So...it must be something I am doing.

So, thats why last Thursday when I woke up feeling miserable because I'm doing too much on too little, I still went for a walk. That's why every single time I want a day off or a cookie I ignore it. I mean, how else can I march into that appointment and say that I am doing literally everything I can only to have not a lot to show for it. That's why tonight after doing my endurance strength training class first thing in the morning, after work, I jogged 5 miles.

At this point I am so confused on what it means to be healthy. I'm not sure what a healthy diet looks like. I have been told nearly my entire life if you want to lose weight you eat 1200 calories a day. My dietitian recommends about 500 calories more than that for me because I'm so active *eye roll*. I'm not sure what a healthy workout regimen looks like. How many days should I work out? The more the better right?

Kiki Danger does and does not believe

My life is surreal right now. If you had told me a year ago, five years ago, even 10 years ago, that I would be arranging my life around running days, group runs, 5k races and that I would be making any comments on major league baseball I would have spit in your face and called you a no good, waste-about liar.

But in the words of Bob Dylan "Times they are a-chhhhhhhhaaaaaangin" Last year the boys in blue, the hometown team, the boys of summer, the freaking Kansas City Royals brought it like a BOSS. Heck ya! Fist bump, chest bump, thigh bump, everything bump.

I'm not a sports person. I pretty much loathe any sports talk. Nothing will get my rolling my eyes quicker than talking about who scored what, where. I have some deep seated childhood scars (so what if I'm too short to play volleyball, I had the heart, I could have been a contender) regarding sports.

Going to a Royals game was a less than once a year outing. Usually when we would get free tickets in the nosebleed section we would make the trip out there.

Last year the Royals surprised everyone, they turned the city into believers, gave us hope, unified us. The whole city was alive and blue. I remember walking in the supermarket right before the World Series started and nearly every single person had blue on. It was a beautiful sight. It turned this ole cynical heart to mush.

So call me a sell out, a pushover, a fanboy, what you will...I love baseball season. I will be glued to my screen (both TV and computer) for as many of the 162 games as I can.


PS. I almost always use things like "like a boss" ironically...except in the case of the royals...hell I would even high five a stranger on the street over a great royals play

PPS. Running is going great. Next 5k is this Saturday. 4 months, 4 5ks.

PPSS. Despite all the haters I "does" believe in the magic of the Royals this year.